The dogwoods are blooming. Or at least some of them are. What a weird spring! The dogwoods on some streets are blooming, but not on my street. On my street there are still some Japanese magnolias blooming that haven't dropped their blooms. And some azaleas are going strong, but nary (is that really a word?) a one on my shrubs. In any case, it's a beautiful day.
I feel normal today. I'm so surprised. I guess I expected to just be constantly sick or weak or tired for the entire treatment. Where did I get that idea? I guess from TV and movies. But life is not like the movies. Your body fights back and the shot they give you to boost blood cell count must really work. It better at $6000 a pop!
I don't really feel completely normal. After running errands today I had to rest a while, but I didn't have to take a nap!
A few days ago I ordered a couple of hats and they came today. I tried them on and tried to imagine no eyebrows or hair poking out beneath the rim. Very surreal.
And that brings us to some deep thoughts about death. Huh? I can hear several people shushing me and saying, "Don't say that!" As if simply mentioning or considering death will somehow bring it on. Fear not! It's HEALTHY to think about it.
Anyway, what I've thought about isn't death so much as funerals. Here's the thing. At all the funerals I've ever been to there's a minister or priest who asks the family about the deceased and then gets up and says words of comfort and tries to tie them to the person you knew. Face it, the service could be for anyone.
This is not for me! For my funeral I want something different. Something special. Something PERSONAL. Probably got this from the movies too. First, I plan to be cremated before the service. I don't want anyone viewing my dead body. Let them imagine me dead if they have to, but they don't need to see it. (Sorry again, Chris, I tried to stop them, but they wouldn't listen). Remember me alive.
Secondly, okay a person of faith can speak if it comforts the mourners (supposedly there'll be one or two) but what I want to see (and I will if I'm allowed to watch) is people who knew me personally standing up and saying something. Even if it's just to say, "Boy, she could really tick me off!" That's real. That's personal. I wanted to do this (not say she ticked me off, but to say some personal things about her) when my sister died a little over 2 years ago, but I didn't have the opportunity.
Okay, so you heard it here folks! When I go you better get out your pens and jot down some memory to share!
You can all relax now. I don't intend to go quietly into the night. I feel very much alive and I'm just too busy to go now. This whole cancer thing is just one big inconvenience. I plan to be here next year and as many more as I'm allowed. I have things to do and people who need me.
The good thing that happened today: I finished a writing project and got it in the mail. Whew! And I had lunch with Luke.
5 comments:
Glad you are feeling well. I know Susan probably wanted to SSHHsss you, but it is healthy to think ahead. Just thinking about death won't make it happen! And very hearlthy to let family know what you want! Don't worry, I am sure Chris understands! The hard part of standing up and saying something is the actual act of doing it because of the sadness. My Mom did that for Kim's dad at his funeral. It was very touching and they didn't have any religious person there because Bob didn't have a religion, so it just didn't make sense. I can think of lots of things from our past, but then some may not be suitable for all of the listening audience ... haha! By the way, I vote you Queen of the Uglies just because of your persistence to carry on and survive this enemy!
Love,
Vicki
Well so much for the Edit button or the Identity ... I screwed up with the clicking of my mouse ... so no editing for content or spelling. Sorry!
Speaking of which, Here's a little something about longevity
Many, many years from now at your funeral, I will be just the person to stand up and say, "Boy, she could really tick me off". It is amazing to me that we are such good friends when we disagree on virtually every religious, social, and political topic known to man. We've had some heated discussions over the last few years but we always forget it about it in a few hours (or minutes) and everything is fine again. I think that is what makes true friends. I mean, there aren't very many people that I would allow to call me a naive judgmental, spoiled person and then turn around and go to lunch with them.
Just wanted to say I admire how you are handling all of this stuff. I don't think I could be so brave and upbeat. Okay, enough of that muschy (sp?) nice stuff. Have a good weekend and I'll see you back at the office Tuesday.
After that comment, wanna have lunch? I have a hot topic to discuss....
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