I can’t believe how much time has passed. A big whole bunch has happened since June 19, I’m not sure I can remember it all. I’ll try to sum it up without being too boring.
Here's the first story:
When I last scribbled here I still had a doc appointment ahead of me. Let me tell you, that one ticked me off! I saw the nurse practitioner and told her the problems I had with the taxol, the pain and numbness in my feet, and my fear of permanent nerve damage. I asked for alternatives. She discussed it with the doc who came in and asked me if I was sure I was having numbness in my feet or if maybe I thought it might be my IMAGINATION? You know, because he suggested it could happen. He also said it didn’t happen that fast, it should take a couple of treatments and I should have tingling in my hands. I was dumbstruck! What is with these doctors always thinking we imagine symptoms! I bet this damn cancer wouldn’t have made it to Stage IIIC before we found it if the docs had listened when I complained of pain in my breast and chest! They say cancer doesn’t hurt, but I think that’s BS. I think it’s been here awhile and I’ve felt it growing and the docs blew off my symptoms. This might sound crazy to you, but I've talked to other women who've been through this and I'm not the only one who had pain in places that the cancer later appeared.
Anyway, I digress. The onc says, we can change chemos, but they all have side effects. I told him I was concerned about the permanent side effects, not the temporary ones. He agreed to switch from Taxol to Taxotere. Common side effects: disgusting nails (meaning they may turn black and fall off) but will grow back to normal after treatment stops. And water weight gain. But the neuropathy is much less likely with Taxotere. After he left the room I broke down a little and told Luke I didn’t want to gain any more weight and when was this nightmare going to end. Luke assured me the onc said water-weight and I would be able to lose that after the chemo was done. I had collected myself by the time the NP came back in. Luke told her the onc didn’t believe me, but she said, “I believe you. And the important thing is he agreed to change the chemo.”
The next day after stewing over his response I called the NP and asked her if it would be difficult to change to another doctor. She didn’t think so, but asked why. I explained to her that my onc didn’t believe me when I told him what was happening with my body and I lost confidence in him. She said she’d call one of the other docs and did I have a preference? I didn’t know either and all things being equal, I’ll pick the woman. She said she’d call me back and let me know if the other doc could fit me in on the same day I was already scheduled.
A few minutes later the phone rang, the NP said, Dr. #1 wants to talk to you, is that okay? Oh sh**!! What can I say? No, I’m too much of a baby to talk to him? Of course I felt cornered, but I calmly said, “Sure.” He gets on the line and says, “Mrs. Brouillette, I absolutely did believe you, that’s why I agreed to change the chemo. I never would have agreed if I didn’t believe you. I’m sorry if I sounded doubtful, but I was so surprised because in my experience the neuropathy has never hit so quickly. Your comment about walking on a bar certainly convinced me that you weren’t imagining it. It’s just that you are totally off the bell curve! Again, I’m sorry I came across as if I didn’t believe you.” Then he said he’d understand if I still wanted to change doctors and he’d put the NP back on the line. Geez!! Now he decides to be human? After I mustered up enough anger to make the call to the NP in the first place? ! What did I do? I said it was probably best to stick with him since we were so far into treatment already. And that’s how that went. I had a week to recuperate and then – taxotere.
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