A Little Seriousness

Oh my, totally forgot the blog. Update: oh yes, the dang drainage thang is infected. I've been taking antibiotics for it for a few days and it looks much better. Unfortunately the drain isn't coming out until next week due to the infection.

While at the surgeon’s office I asked him what we should do about the positive margins indicated by the pathology report. He said he wanted to look at the slides himself before advising us on what to do. Our choices are what you’d expect; another lumpectomy, a mastectomy or possibly the radiation might take care of it. Then he said something he’s said before, but I didn’t put on the blog.

He said, “You understand that we aren’t going for a cure? That as advanced as your cancer was … it has already left the breast and eliminating it in the breast (or removing the breast) won’t stop it.” I didn’t put this on the blog before because I just couldn’t type the words. His point in telling me this was to explain that a mastectomy would not rid me of the cancer as cancer cells have already left the breast. It would be locking the barn after the horse has been stolen. In my case a lumpectomy should be as effective as a mastectomy and the less trauma the better, because, “we can’t cure it. It’s already out.”

Because of this conversation I felt very down a few days ago and did some more web surfing and research on breast cancer, particularly Stage IIIC. I even called the American Cancer Society information line. He couldn’t really tell me any more than I already know (he was reading from a fact sheet, I think), except one thing he told me which I think is important. The stats they have on survival percentages are based (first) on all women with the disease, whatever treatment they had (or didn’t have) and (second) on data collected up to ten years ago. Anyway, I had a little break down and wallowed in self-pity for a while. I find it helps to do this now and again, when no one is around. Let it all out in a big cathartic emotional tantrum and then get on with life.

I want to believe the chemo took care of any cancer cells that made it out of the breast. In fact, it stays in your system and continues for work for a while even as you are recovering. I still get sharp pains (like pinches) in my breast that I started getting after the chemo treatments began. These pains, I believe, are cancer cells dying. I may yet have more chemo because the oncologist wants to do another CT scan before deciding for sure not to do the final two treatments. The radiation I have will be directed not only at my breast, but also at my neck (where I had a positive node).

I haven’t yet asked for a prognosis and I probably won’t until I’m well into the radiation treatment. As my sister-in-law, Marie, told me, “Don’t borrow trouble.” I feel like it’s going away and that's all that matters.