two to go. What?? Another bit of info I haven't passed on yet. On the day we went for the seventh chemo (that was put off a week to let the onc and pharmacy work on getting approval for payment of avastin) the onc hit us with something he hadn't mentioned before. He said he thought I should have four more treatments, not two, so I'd have four taxotere consecutively and I'd be able to have more avastin before we stopped. His main reason he said was because, "even though we've been telling you all along how quickly your cancer has shrunk, it really didn't shrink as much as it should have after six chemo treatments." (I had six treatments before the surgery).
Take a minute to think about that.
My reaction was, did he lie to me before? I don't know. In my opinion he did, but does he think he did? I assume he was referring to the three positive lymph nodes, but I don't really know. I had seen him before this day when he knew the results of the surgery and he never mentioned two additional treatments. Here he was standing in front of Luke and me saying, well, we really didn't tell you the truth before. When he left the room I turned to Luke to check if I had heard what I thought I did. Luke's reaction was the same as mine.
I think the main problem with this onc is his bedside manner. Let me say I believe as an oncologist he is a good doctor. He's analytical and I think he really does pay attention to my particular case. He investigated this new drug and discussed with the pharmacist and checked the literature to see if weekly or bi-weekly treatments of taxotere would be easier for me to take than the larger doses every three weeks (it wouldn't). He did treat my nueropathy immediately. I have spoken to other women whose onc did not and as a result they still have trouble two years later. He has given me the meds I need to avoid nausea, another problem other women told me they were under medicated for. All these things add up.
However, he just doesn't understand my need to know what is going on with my illness. He wants me to come in and do what he says, no questions asked. I want to understand. And I don't like the surprises. It's just so frustrating!
No Pollyanna statements tonight. I'm having a total of ten treatments, instead of eight. I'll have to have radiation when that's all done. My hope of being finished by the end of the year is blown away. I won't be able to wrap it up in a box marked 2005 and put it behind me.
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