Time - there just isn't enough of it. Especially at this time of year. And, as Mom, it's pretty much up to me to make Christmas happen. Fortunately my child is 17 and doesn't need or expect a lot of presents or anything like that. And Luke does help me shop. But if there's going to be any decorating or tree or similar signs of the season than I'm going to have to do it.

I'm trying to make flannel blankets for Jeremy and Jay. I found flannel fabric with soccer balls all over it. I'll get Luke to take a picture and post it when I'm finished. I have one mostly done and will start the other tonight. I had expected to have them done and wrapped this past weekend, but nothing is going the way I plan and time keeps running out. Maybe that's a sign...

Time to talk about the last oncologist visit. My blood work was good. No blood needed. Mary (the bad nurse) took the pic line out. They were right, it didn't hurt, but it was the creepiest feeling. She clipped the stitches and told me to take a deep breathe while she pulled it out. I could feel it moving from my heart and down my arm inside my vein!! Eww!

I upset the onc too. I'll try to explain, but I don't remember exactly what I said that started the exchange that got him upset. I know I used the past tense talking about my disease. This is out of context but, in the middle of a sentence I think I said, "I was high risk...."

He said, "Don't say 'was' you still are high risk. Just because the cancer appears to be gone..."

At this point,frustrated, I turned to Luke and said, "He's just not going to be optimistic at all. He's not going to give me an ounce of hope!"

I might as well have slapped him. He stepped back and said, "No, no, I'm very optimistic! I believe the glass is half full! You should be optimistic! But you must remember the glass is half empty too. It can't be one but not the other so you need to be cautiously optimistic."

I said, "Is that like compassionately conservative?"

Poor man was flustered. I don't think he realized how negative he is sometimes. I know he has to warn me that it can come back and what to look for, but his bedside manner is terrible.

Time for work. Never enough time!!